Crazy
by Vampbarbie
Summary: Sequel to 'Nutter'. Lily Tyler finds out the truth.


_Wow, thank you for all the reviews for 'Nutter' - I don't think I've ever had so many for a one-off story. Well no longer one-off. This is part 2 and there will be a part 3 in the future at some point (soon I hope if my muse allows) _

_Please read and review!_

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Crazy

"We think you're old enough to know the truth Lily." Those are not the words I expected to hear. Certainly not with those four people staring at me as dad says it. Most definitely not after what I said to my sister.

"I'm glad He's gone!"

She called me a little bitch, slapped my face and went running – in tears – upstairs. I always swear Uncle Mickey would never hurt a fly, but with the look on his face as I say it, I'm suddenly not so sure. He looked like he wanted to snap my neck with his bare hands. Hannah must absolutely hate it, her husband being another woman's white knight. But to get Mickey Smith, you get Rose Tyler.

Only the presence of Uncle Jake in the room stopped him. Minus his new boyfriend. I wondered if Hannah was keeping him company while another Tyler family disaster rages around them. Tyler family disasters seem to happen a lot in this house. It seemed normal when I was little, god knows why. No one else has a sister who has a nervous breakdown once a year on a Norwegian beach.

I knew I shouldn't of let Lucy smuggle that bottle of vodka in her handbag. Lucy is my best mate and of course she was invited to the party my parents were throwing. Everyone was. Mum doesn't like me drinking so we do it out of sight and add a slug of vodka to our cokes. I wasn't drunk I swear, just buzzing maybe tipsy at a push. Not enough that I can explain what I said away as drunken rubbish anyway.

Uncle Jake looks between Mickey and me. "Nice handprint there Lil," he says referring to my scarlet cheek.

He always calls me Lil. Ever since I was tiny. Sometimes I think I love Uncle Jake more than the rest of my 'real' family combined. He treats me like a grown up, not some little child who has to be lied to. He was always there for me. With a hug or taking me out. I guess he spoiled me a little, and I'd be lying if I said I didn't like that a bit. I wish he had told me the truth. It seems to hurt more from him.

Not a single one of them is who they said they are. They all lied to me. Torchwood! And aliens and time travel and fantastic journeys. Why does all this sci fi nonsense seem to make a strange kind of sense?

No wonder there are no photographs. Norway makes total sense now. But somehow, even with all her words, and mum's and dad's and Mickey's, I can't picture him. I can't make that clear image in my mind of what he looks like; how he sounds…he's an alien for goodness sake! How do you fall in love with something that isn't human? Two hearts, Rose says. Two hearts. Did they both break when he left her? When he lost her. If he was in half the state mum says Rose was in that day, half the state Norway brings, then I think she broke him, broke his hearts as thoroughly as he can still break hers. He exists only in her memories now, like that old lady in Titanic.

But it must have been incredible. Like a movie. Being swept up in some big adventure and never knowing what was going to happen. I wish that would happen to me. But all I have to look forward to is school on Monday morning. I want to meet him. I want to meet Captain Jack Harkness, he sounds dreamy. Certainly knows how to impress a girl if Rose's tale is true, champagne and dancing by the light of Big Ben. He sounds like fun.

I wonder if Rose dreams about the Doctor. The Doctor. Yes I have a name…sort of. Is the Doctor really a name? I have a name but not a face. And I never will. I wonder does she still reach unconsciously for his hand when she's running for her life? Does Mickey grab hers the same way?

I don't understand why she isn't with Uncle Mickey though. He loves her, she loves him. It seems so obvious. Rose tells me I don't understand and she's right, I don't. I don't see how she can look at what Uncle Mickey has – a wife (not that Rose wants a wife, more a husband but anyway!) and a child – and not want that? Why was this man – this alien – so special that he broke her? I don't understand how can she live with what she has done and not miss it every single second? How can she not miss him every single moment? How can she bear the fact that he never told her he loved her? Rose is so sure that he did love her, even though he never said, she still loves him and is happy even though she'll never see him again. She will never know if he still loves her. He could be dead and she wouldn't know. Over fifteen years is a very long time. She says he told her to have a fantastic life and she says she's happy. But she isn't, not really. She still carries that phone and that key, insurance, just in case. She tells herself that she has this great job and her family but it isn't enough for her. Now I realise what that odd look she'd get in her eyes sometimes was. Still looking. She wasn't crazy…well she was, crazy in love with a man who left. Not dead…well not that we know of. But he could be? Does she ever think about that? I want to ask her but how can I? How can I dredge those memories up when he is never coming back?

I don't understand how she can forgive me for what I said. I'm not sure if I hate her anymore.

Rose is a lot stronger than I ever gave her credit for. Maybe she could save the world. Maybe not. Maybe she is not really a nutter. But she still needs a Doctor.


End file.
